1). People you thought would be there for you won’t be.
This is sad. Especially in the beginning. You’ll go through the process, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. After all you did lose something, support you thought would be there and wasn’t. It’s hard but it gets better and you get better. You also realize that not everyone is meant to be apart of every season with you. We all have our own stuff and we all think our own stuff is priority. Forgive them, love them and thank them. They helped make you stronger and also opened up doors for new relationships to be born and some old relationships to take on a new form. You’ll realize that people you might not have expected to be there for you will be. You’ll also start to form a new support system. This will slowly create your village. Just remember you can’t force people to be in your child’s life and you shouldn’t have to. As your child grows they will know the people who have put in the effort to be apart of their lives.
2) No matter how strong your marriage / relationship is it will change.
Sounds scary right? This isn’t a horrible thing but be prepared to miss your spouse fierce and on the daily. I fought this for awhile trying so hard to keep our old normal our new normal but let’s face it that’s just not “normal.” To be honest nothing is normal after having a kid. Your not normal, your spouse isn’t normal everything is different and not normal but acceptance and communication is key. Colt & I communicate daily about this. The pits, the peaks and all things in between. We set daily goals and help each other achieve them. We try to understand and appreciate the other persons role and responsibilities. We try (try being the key word) to support each other the best we know how in these new roles. We get frustrated and angry and sad but we love each other (hard) and we remind each other how much we are loved by the other person on the best of days but most importantly on the most challenging days.
3) Postpartum and baby blues are very real and very scary.
Nope, nobody really talks about it. And because nobody really talks about it nobody really prepares you for it. Feeling like you just got hit by the emotional stick (ok bus) Feeling like you don’t know who you are or what you are doing? Not sure why you are crying but yup, your crying, ALOT. Feeling guilty for not being “happy” every second of every day. Feeling overwhelmed and needing help but then feeling like you might have an anxiety attack if anyone else is “helping” for too long with baby?
Yes it’s real — all of it. Hormones are INSANE. And REAL. And make you feel CRAZY. It’s ok, it’s normal and the majority of moms go through it! Those first six weeks postpartum are tough. Let yourself go through the motions & emotions. Let go of the guilt and shame, you are human! You just gave birth to a human. That’s not an easy thing to wrap your head or life around. Be gentle, you will get there. Also don’t be scared to reach out for help if you don’t get there. It’s ok. You are not alone. This too shall pass.
4) You will need a break from your child.
Mom guilt is REAL. But take the break. You need it. They need. Your husband needs it. And you’ll be a better you because of it.
Working mom or stay at home mom we all hit our time limit at some point in the day. Mine happens to be at 8pm, I’m done sorry good night. Mom needs an hour and a break. A real one, one that includes not thinking, not nursing, not even moving some days. Zoning out to a mindless show, getting lost in a book, taking a long hot shower, trolling the internet, blogging, going for a run, eating ice cream anything that lets me be me for at least an hour. Mom is in time out, ready, set, bye.
5) You will fail, but you will also succeed.
As a mom, as a wife, as a partner, as a friend, as a person. Sometimes all within the same day. Sometimes all within the same hour. Celebrate the wins. Learn from the mistakes. Don’t dwell on things for too long or beat yourself up over things you can’t change. You are learning. We are all learning. Nobody knows what’s “right” sometimes what’s right one day isn’t right the next. You’re a great person, you will figure it out. Give yourself some credit and remember not to take things or yourself too seriously.
6) You may realize you don’t want more kids and that’s ok.
“But don’t you think they NEED a sibling? Oh just wait, you’ll change your mind. You don’t want them to have only child syndrome. You can’t just have one baby….”
Insert eye roll.
Don’t let people make you feel bad because of the way they see things. Do they pay your bills? Will they be raising your kid(s)? Do they live in your marriage? Most likely the answer is no so again do what’s best for you and your family. Maybe that means having and spoiling the heck out of one baby. Maybe it means starting your own family circus. Whatever floats your boat, do that and do it good!
7) Everything you thought you knew on how you would “parent” goes out the window.
Human pacifier? Never! Co-sleeping? No way! Baby wearing? Only on the go, never at home. Welcome to new age parenthood where everyone suddenly cares SO much about where your child sleeps and how they are fed.
Now insert baby in ergo, nursing for comfort and sleeping in our bed and on no schedule. Oopsy! But you know what? WHO CARES? I mean I know a million people think they do but really? Does it really matter what my baby does while at home with me? Does it really change your life? I mean I know YOU know what’s best for my baby but really are you losing sleep over it? I hope not because we are all sleeping good and through the night over here. All of us in one bed, even the dog. Did I mention that the dockatot is actually now on my best friend list? Like there’s Colt, Kristen, my sisters and the dockatot. It’s amazing so get yourself one. I mean I know baby will NEVER be in your bed BUT you can thank me later.
8) There is no such thing as the perfect scenario.
Schedules, non-schedules, working mom, stay at home mom, working dad, stay at home dad, 50/50, single moms, single dads, part-time parenting, daycare, nanny, family help, no family help, vaccinations, no vaccinations, breastfeeding, bottle feeding the list goes on and ON.
Every mom and family faces their own unique set of struggles. Nobodies struggle is easier or harder than your own, just different. We are all a hot mess, some of us just manage it better than others. Do what works for you and your family. That’s it. Easy peasy!
9) It is all so absolutely ridiculously freaking worth it.
All of it. Every minute. Every stage. It is all so beautiful and goes by too quick. So hold on tight and enjoy it because before we know it they will be off and we will be wanting nothing more than to hit rewind. Being a mom is my favorite. So excuse me, while I go snuggle the crap out of my newly 9 month old man baby who’s in my bed with my husband.
Until next time, do something that makes you HAPPY!
xoxoxo
Chasing the Maui Son ✨ 