Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable, mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength..”

  

It’s here I can’t believe it’s finally here! 

Birth Month. 

Our due date is officially upon us and it’s the month when we need to be ready for anything at any time. Entering my 36th week of pregnancy and being one week away from “full term” has brought on its own new world of feelings & emotions. 

November was by far the most intense month of pregnancy from weight gain, to hormone changes, to doctors appointments, to non-stop trips to the bathroom and restless nights of sleep. It was a month when you take a step back and really really realize how lucky you are to have the people you do in your life and you find yourself thanking god every day for the love and support.  

It’s also the month where we transitioned from our every four week doctors appointments, to every two weeks, to now every week. We also had our last 4D ultra sound with our specialist from Oahu on the 17th. Those appointments are the ones that always have us anxious & most excited as we learn the most about Cash’s size, growth, positioning & development. So far it’s been so easy and we always leave the appointments on cloud 9 since Cash has reached all of his milestone requirements effortlessly despite the doctors original concerns about my septic uterus. 

Going into this appointment however we were our usual excited selves but we were also a bit apprehensive as we knew 1). This was our last appointment with the specialist and 2). They wanted Cash to be in head down position since my septum would cause him to run out of room more quickly then other babies growing in a normal shaped uterus. 

I went in with a positive open mind but I also knew in my heart from his movements that he was still in a breech position (his head is right under my right rib which causes that area to feel bruised 24/7 and his feet are on my left side where I get all of my love kicks daily) I waited holding my breath as he lubed up my belly and asked what I thought. I told him I was hopeful he had flipped but we would see. As the screen pulled up and Cash made his 34th week debut I heard the dreaded words from our Doctor “baby’s position is…breech” 

FUCK. 

Not just regular breech but frank breech, he is sitting in a pike position with his feet in his mouth (I couldn’t help but smile and feel proud that he was flexible like his Ma but sweetheart this really really wasn’t the time for that) frank breech = worst case scenario this late in our pregnancy. He continued with the ultra sound and of course Cash was perfect weighing in at 5 pounds and 12 ounces and right on track with his December due date. He snapped some amazing pictures and told us that the likely hood of a c-section as they had originally thought was now greater. He said that anything was possible and to burn some Moxibustion and hope for the best. I mean he did say anything was possible. 

(Insert hope)

I left the doctors feeling frustrated but also overwhelmed by so much love, how could I possibly be upset when I had this perfect baby boy growing inside of me who looked exactly like his daddy. 

 

  

After processing and then talking with my ob the next week it was clear that they were putting the c-section on the table. If he didn’t flip it would be scheduled at 39 weeks. We decided it was time to pull out all the stops. We talked with our doula who immediately connected us with an acupuncturist who was known for flipping babies. I made an appointment for the next day and started my affirmations. Clearly she could make our baby flip. 

Meeting with Dr. Ross was incredible. She was so confident and knowledgeable and comforting. She explained that we would do two days of Moxibustion burning and acupuncture and see how Cash responded and then go from there. I had Kris our doula in tote to help us feel his positioning  and heartbeat. After the first session and heartbeat reading it was clear on all levels that he had flipped! He was out of my ribs and I was feeling light as a feather. I came back the next day just to ensure positioning and all seemed right on track he had flipped but now came the hard part — keeping him flipped.

 
  

I had my regular doctors appointment the following Wednesday but by Tuesday I already knew he was back to breech (light feather feeling gone, bruised rib heavy feeling back on track) again I went in to my appointment hopeful but by this stage a Ma knows her baby. 

My doctor (as always was great) she told me that we would be doing my group B strep testing today and that she would be checking my cervix as well as checking on the baby’s position. I couldn’t wait to see what she said as she felt around. From the outside she agreed that she believed his head was still up top but when she went in to check my cervix (which was a fingernail dilated) she questioned it. She told me to get dressed and we would go take a look on the ultra sound because it felt hard down there. 

(Heart stopped (insert hope) 

As Cash came up on the screen I saw her face change “nope just a hard butt, baby was still breech.”

Fuck! 

Ok BUT we still have 3 weeks. 

I left again feeling frustrated but still hopeful. Cash knew what he was doing and we had time. I called Colt who reassured me that we would continue doing all that we could to flip him. We were a team and we would get through this. I knew he was right and headed home. 

When I got home as usual my bladder was about to explode so I rushed to the bathroom but after I wiped I saw it, bright red blood. 

Melt down city. 

I immediately called my doctors office who assured me that the blood was most likely just from my cervix being dilated that afternoon and to keep an eye on it and it would be fine. But it was too late — I was already gone. 

Every emotion flared up inside me like a rage of hormonal fury, I was going down. 

(insert the meltdown) 

I cried long and hard, I cried for my baby, for my perfect birth, for my fears, for the dreaded c-section, for the unknown, for the blood. I cried and cried until Colt got home and wrapped me up in his arms and let me cry some more. 

I wish I could say that was it, the melt down happened and now I’m good and right back on track and ready to do this no matter what but unfortunately that would be a lie. The truth is I keep breaking down and processing and breaking down and processing and getting strong and then getting weak. I get angry and then sad and then I feel guilty. I lean on Colt who wraps me up in his love and reminds me I am strong and that everything is going to be ok no matter what. I talk to Cash and remind him how proud I am of him for being so strong and how much I love him. I remind myself that I too will get there and soon he will be in our arms and all this will be behind us and that we will be a family. 

I remind myself to let go and trust the process even if it’s not the process that I know or understand or want. 

I remember to trust in my baby and my body’s ability to know what is right when the time comes and I pray that’s enough. 

So today I start the day, week and month with a happy heart and hopeful mind.

Happy birth month Cash Olden Stewart. You have already far exceeded so many of our expectations over these last 9 months. We love you so much baby boy and we trust in your ability to know what you need to do to come into this world happy, safe and healthy. We will do everything we can son to make this transition for you full of calming, loving and safe energy. 

We are ready, you are loved. 

  
In the meantime if you could please pray that he moves in the right direction and gets into head down birthing position naturally we would really appreciate it! 

Lastly we wanted to open up two fun opportunities to all of our family and friends who might want to take part: 

1). We had a time capsule at Cash’s baby shower and we asked everyone to write him a letter with words of advice for him to open on his 18th birthday. If you’d like to add a letter to the capsule please mail one to to us! (If you need our address please PM me). Please address the envelope to Cash Stewart c/o time capsule so we do not open it. We will be giving the letters to him on his 18th birthday. 

2). Want in on our official baby pool?!

If you’d like to guess Cash’s due date please send us your guesses with the following:

Due date 

Length 

Weight 

Please send your guess to us by the end of this week! 

Also to be fair if he doesn’t flip before December 17th my doctor will schedule a c-section on either the 18th or 21st but remember anything is possible before then!