My Saturday morning thoughts before I start my day:

I often hear people say “expect nothing and you will never be disappointed” and while I can certainly understand the truth in this statement it tends to make me rather angry. Why should I expect “nothing” so in turn I am not “disappointed?” I mean I get that expectations are sometimes unrealistic and or a hard topic but lets face it we all have them. In the most general form of expectations most individuals “expect” at minimum that their family & friends are there for them, that their significant others be faith, fair, love and communicate with them and that their co-workers and acquaintances respect them. Is this to much to “expect” ?! I of course say hell no but unfortunately I am often met with the sad reality that apparently for most it is.

It always strikes me as hard to grasp as to why some people can live up to expectations no problem and strive while others continuously fall short. I often wonder if it is something in their psychological makeup or if it is a taught behavior throughout their development. If one is surrounded by disappointment or constantly let down does it lead them to constantly disappoint? I’m on the fence because I have seen both ends of the spectrum. I have known several individuals raised in the same home with less than fortunate circumstances, and have watched them grow up with one allowing those circumstances to define them while the other refuses. So what makes one so different from the other? I can honesty say I don’t know. I would assume it has a lot to do with perspective. It takes an extremely strong and determined person to look outside the box that is their own reality. We all know that people tend to view the world through their experiences and that they will often have a hard time empathizing with something that is outside that realm (aka other peoples expectations).

Now with all that being said comes the importance of communication (which in my opinion goes hand and hand with expectations). You can not have expectations without clear communication which is really the point I am trying to make with this post in relation to our wedding. We have had our fair share of disappointments (due to how we expect people to act) with family and friends throughout this engagement process. Our disappointments come from us wanting them to respond and act in a certain way while they are resistant because of their own expectations of what our wedding should be and how we should act. The end result, a lot of hurt feelings and drama. The only solution; clear communication.

Communication (good or bad) is always key. I’d like to thank my mother for teaching me how to communicate at a very young age and also give credit to my advanced public speaking teachers for pushing me to learn how to communicate on a more public level. Communication is hard and is also the number one reason for all failed relationships (friends, lovers, families). I ask the question why is it easier to throw away a person and your relationship with them then it is to communicate? Is expressing your feeling and being vulnerable really that scary? Is being right really that important? Are you going to wish you had communicated when that person drops dead suddenly and you never again get that chance? What do you think is more scary communicating to find middle ground and move on or never being able to get there? The answer is easy for me which is why I have been putting my feelings on blast. I have been allowing myself to respond openly to family & friends when their actions cause me to feel happy, sad, disappointed, surprised, important, unimportant, exhilarated etc., and I urge each of you to do the same. Hold one another accountable for communication which in turn will hold you responsible for the relationship if it’s important to you.

I recently had some heart to hearts with great friends & family members and while some of the conversations were great, others were well not so great but the important thing is that they happened and we all know where we stand. Through these conversations I was able to learn that I am sometimes intimidating which is something I can work on. I have also learned that my future husband is sometimes scared of communicating with me because I can be so direct and assertive and sometimes just wrath out about a situation. This is something that I already know and try to work on but it is great to hear so I can become more in control of my feelings when I am angry or upset (since I really don’t want Colt living in fear of me, haha) I also challenge all of you to do the same. I know people and relationships change but is the person or relationship so far gone to save? If the answer is yes (and sometime it is) then move on but if the answer is no or I don’t know explore those feelings and reach out. After all you only live once…YOLO!